35+ Funny Quotes
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
--Steven Wright
--Steven Wright
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can
find humor in anything - even poverty - you can survive it.
--Bill Cosby
--Bill Cosby
One day while Groucho Marx was working in his garden (dressed in
well-worn gardening attire), a wealthy woman pulled up in a Cadillac and
endeavored to persuade the gardener to come and work for her. How much does the
lady of the house pay you? she asked. Oh, I don't get paid in dollars, Groucho
replied, glancing up. The lady of the house just a lets me sleep with her.
--Groucho Marx (1895-1977 )US comedian, member of the Marx
--Groucho Marx (1895-1977 )US comedian, member of the Marx
Brothers
A sense of humor is the lubricant of life's machinery.
--Unknown
--Unknown
If you can look into the mirror without laughter, you have no sense of
humor.
--Unknown
--Unknown
OK, so what's the speed of dark ?
--Steven Wright
--Steven Wright
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world
was tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline
right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
--Lenny Bruce US comedian, satirist, author
--Lenny Bruce US comedian, satirist, author
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for
anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends.
It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
--Grenville Kleiser
--Grenville Kleiser
Everybody says that comedy is harder to do. That's become a truism by
now, but it's wrong. Comedy is not harder. The hardest thing is to do good
work, whatever it is.
--Woody Allen
--Woody Allen
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a
full house and four people died
--Steven Wright
--Steven Wright
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
--Clive James
--Clive James
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
--Mel Brooks
--Mel Brooks
Happiness for the average person may be said to flow largely from
common sense -- adapting one-self to circumstances -- and a sense of humor.
--Beatrice Lillie (1898-1989) English comedienne
--Beatrice Lillie (1898-1989) English comedienne
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
--Steven Wright
--Steven Wright
(Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one
part O. I don't trust anybody!
--Steven Wright
--Steven Wright
Comedy is tragedy plus time
--Carol Burnett
--Carol Burnett
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot
--Charlie Chaplin
--Charlie Chaplin
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think
--Horace Walpole
--Horace Walpole
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
--James Thurber
--James Thurber
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your
step as you walk the tightrope of life
--William Arthur Ward
--William Arthur Ward
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the
earth, the air and you.
--Langston Hughes
--Langston Hughes
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs,
jolted by every pebble in the road.
--Henry Ward Beecher
--Henry Ward Beecher
Laughter sets the spirit free to move through even the most tragic of
circumstances. It helps us shake our heads clear, get our feet back under us,
restoring our sense of balance and purpose. Humor is integral to our peace of
mind and to our ability to go beyond survival.
--Captain Gerald Coffee POW in Vietnam for seven years
--Captain Gerald Coffee POW in Vietnam for seven years
Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority
to all that befalls him.
--Romain Gary
--Romain Gary
Optimism and humor are the grease and glue of life. Without both of
them we would never have survived our captivity.
--Philip Butler, Vietnam POW
--Philip Butler, Vietnam POW
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A
sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
--Horace Walpole English novelist
--Horace Walpole English novelist
A Craftsman polishes his work, but a Comedian polishes his errors.
--Tony Follari Comedian
--Tony Follari Comedian
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